A New Bra Or Is Something Else In Order???  

Posted by: Crystal in , , , , , ,

I recently have become not so fond of this thing we call 'gravity'. Gravity is not my friend! I was getting dressed the other day and realized that I had not bought a new bra (other than ones that have peek-a-boo flaps for nursing) in quite a long time. In such a long time in fact, that I can't remember the act of actually purchasing a bra. This is sad. Very, very sad. So, being that I leave the house as little as possible due to the circus of acrobatics it takes to get myself and the kids out of the house without somebody being hungry, poopy or having an absolute meltdown, I waited until I had several things to get at the store and then went to my fave store, Target! And just for clarification, I'm normally the one having the meltdown, not the poopy one.

Anywho, I picked out a few practical (non-husband pleasing) bras and went to try them on. First let me tell you how incredibly wrong it is to put mirrors on 3 of the 4 walls in the dressing room. There are parts of myself I just don't care to see, thank you very much. A man clearly designed the dressing rooms. He also decided that along with the 3 mirrors, it would be funny to accompany them with florescent lighting. At this point I'm still fully dressed and already scared and can't believe I left the house with this face on!

I figure I'm here, I may as well do what I came to do. So I take off the pathetic garment I dare to claim as my bra and.....there they go....right to the floor. Darn Einstein and Issac Newton for discovering the principals of gravity! (As if they hadn't my boobs wouldn't be bruising my knees.) Now I knew that after my having three kids that things weren't where they use to be, but this is down right ridiculous. Curse these mirrors and florescent lights! Yes, that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!

So I stand there for a good minute or two just looking at myself in awe, and not a good awe, a bad awe, a very bad awe. It was at this point that I started wondering, is it a bra I should be shopping for or possibly tube socks to tuck them into? Or even worse, perhaps I should be looking for a bra labeled like men's pants, 34W 36L? That should work...right? Maybe for the winter I can have my grandma knit a giant tube to tuck them in and I can just wear them around my neck to keep warm.

After I'm done gawking at myself I pick up the first bra and start thinking of a plan of attack. After all, this bra isn't broken in (worn out) and use to my tetherball boobs. This is a new one and it has no idea what it's in for, poor thing. So should I start with the fail safe bend over and let 'em hang and scoop them up with the bra or go with the more hands on approach of the firm grab, lift and plop it in? I chose the latter of the two. The entire time I'm trying these bra's on, my two toddlers are just staring at me. No words spoken, but their faces said it all. My oldest, Kaden had to be wondering 'why mommy's naked in this little room grabbing those jiggly things' and my youngest, Cameron was just staring at the jiggly things trying to concoct a plan of attack for grabbing one.

I tried on several bra's this day with results ranging from the wonderful uni-boob we all know and love, all the way to Madonna on her Blonde Ambition tour with the world famous pointy bra. Needless to say, I left the store with copy paper, milk and a roll of pink duct tape. Perhaps I just found useful purpose #6 for pink duct tape.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, September 16, 2009 and is filed under , , , , , , . You can leave a response and follow any responses to this entry through the Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom) .


Now I see why you told me to put my Depends on while I read this! You are too much.

Post a Comment